| 29. | I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. |
| 28. | Duct tape won’t fix that. |
| 27. | Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken |
| 26. | We don’t keep firearms in this house. |
| 25. | You can’t feed that to the dog. |
| 24. | No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe. |
| 23. | Wrestling is fake. |
| 22. | We’re vegetarians. |
| 21. | Do you think my gut is too big? |
| 20. | I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.. |
| 19. | Honey, we don’t need another dog. |
| 18. | Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? |
| 17. | Give me the small bag of pork rinds. |
| 16. | Too many deer heads detract from the decor. |
| 15. | I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today. |
| 14. | Trim the fat off that steak. |
| 13. | Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. |
| 12. | The tires on that truck are too big. |
| 11. | I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE. |
| 10. | Unsweetened tea tastes better. |
| 9. | My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s. |
| 8. | I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. |
| 7. | Checkmate |
| 6. | She’s too young to be wearing a bikini. |
| 5. | Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen. |
| 4. | I don’t have a favorite college team. |
| 3. | You Guys. |
| 2. | Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. |
| And the number one thing that you will never hear a southern boy say: | |
| 1. | When I retire, I’m movin’ north. |